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Post by angie1379 on May 27, 2015 14:36:57 GMT -5
I was perusing Tumblr today and saw another in a long line of comments in recent months suggesting that Castle and Beckett could no longer work together if they had a baby. In this case, the person asks why Beckett would continuing working when she doesn't have to. "This isn't like Bones where both people need to work and they are poorly paid public servants ... She is making very little money compared to Castle, so why isn't she making the decision to quit the NYPD whilst Castle helps her at home whilst he still writes?"
Is it just me, or have we suddenly transported back to 1955? Because this isn't an isolated post, by far. I've seen dozens of comments from fans, most of whom are young women, who can't conceive of why Kate would want to keep working after having a baby.
I think it should go without saying that I have nothing against stay-at-home moms. But forgive me if I'm shocked that in 2015 it's still presumed that women should only work after having kids "if they have to." I could hit the lottery tomorrow and would probably still keep my job because it does a heck of a lot more for me than provide a paycheck. And the same is true of Kate. Her job is part of her identity. She has ambitions and goals. She derives mental stimulation and satisfaction, a sense of providing a public service, and community contribution through her job. It is part of how she thinks about herself, and she has worked long and hard to get where she'd at. I'm not sure why so many people seem to think she would or should so easily give that up -- even to be a mom.
We pay all kinds of lip service to the incomparable value of motherhood, but there is more than one way to be a good mother. For someone like Kate, being a full-time, stay-at-home mom would probably be more detrimental to her child than working! Not to mention, being a stay-at-home mom requires making oneself financially dependent on (and therefore vulnerable to) one's spouse, and I don't see Kate doing that, even for Castle. And those are issues that I could write a book about!
I think what bothers me most is that many of these comments are coming from young women who haven't confronted these decisions yet, and it's disconcerting to me as a working professional and mother to see this narrow definition of "good mother" persist among a rising generation that has more options and opportunities than ever. Some women work out of need, and some work out of desire. Some want to stay home and are able to -- and believe it or not, some would rather work but the cost of childcare, the needs of the family, or a lack of job flexibility force her to stay home.
There is no one right answer for Kate just because her husband is a millionaire, and I'm not sure why this idea that jobs are only for income applies so exclusively to women.
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Post by ProudTVJunkie on May 27, 2015 15:10:10 GMT -5
Angie,
I couldn't agree more. I find it amusing that people would expect Kate to quit the job she loves to stay home and raise her child. Yes, she could certainly do that if she chose but I see her going stir crazy inside of six months at home with an infant. I say that from both knowing the show and from personal experience. My cousin couldn't wait to have her son and stay home but after six months she realized she needed to go back to work for her own sanity. I thought I'd have to work but ended up being able to work from home and raise my daughter and I've loved every second of it. The truth is that everyone is different and a happy parent tends to make a happy child no matter what the circumstance.
As for Castle, Rick decided to be the stay-at-home Dad for Alexis because he didn't want his daughter raised by nannies the way he was. I'd be surprised if he didn't end up being the stay-at-home dad for any future children as well. Of course that makes things difficult from a show perspective. How does Castle help solve murders if he's at home with a baby? It would be tricky but if Alexis and Martha helped (maybe Jim Beckett too?), it could still work and be a lot of fun. Every week we could get the baby hand-off scene or Rick and Kate showing up to crime scenes after a night with little sleep. Maybe some mention that Castle was home all last week with the baby and how he's missed being at the precinct. With some creative writing, I think it could work.
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Post by castlelover66 on May 27, 2015 17:24:19 GMT -5
My personal opinion is that the best possible scenario is for mom stay home and raise baby. However, I completely realize that there are many who would disagree with me and I'm okay with that. I'm realistic enough to know that that option is not the best or even possible for everyone. Whatever a woman chooses to do for the health of herself, her child, and family will be the right decision.
As for Kate, I don't see her choosing to stay home and quit being a cop. I'm sure she will wrestle with the decision. Even though she's married now, I don't think she wants to be totally dependent on Castle's wealth. Good for her! If she decides to stay home, I could see her finding another career which would allow her to do that. Maybe she goes back to school to get her law degree. She could be at home and then be a lawyer when the kid goes to school.
I could see Castle offering to be the stay-at-home Dad for future children. Don't know how that would change the dynamic of the show though. Maybe Kate will decided not to have any children or find out she can't have children. Whatever the writers decide, it will be interesting to watch.
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Post by ddcnj on May 28, 2015 0:22:40 GMT -5
Whoever made the Bones analogy doesn't know the show. Brennan is a best selling, rich author. She doesn't have to work, it is her choice.
As for Kate I can see her maybe transitioning into a desk job so as not to be in so much danger if she has kids, but not not working. Rick had the best of both worlds when Alexis was little - he worked from home.
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Post by ProudTVJunkie on May 28, 2015 5:40:09 GMT -5
Whoever made the Bones analogy doesn't know the show. Brennan is a best selling, rich author. She doesn't have to work, it is her choice. As for Kate I can see her maybe transitioning into a desk job so as not to be in so much danger if she has kids, but not not working. Rick had the best of both worlds when Alexis was little - he worked from home. You're absolutely right ddcnj! I hadn't thought of that but Brennan could easily quit her job to stay home with their daughter Christine but nobody ever expected that. She certainly doesn't need to work for financial reasons. Her work is such a huge part of who she us, much like Beckett's, that it wouldn't seem right for her to just walk away from it. |
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Post by java on May 28, 2015 9:33:52 GMT -5
Maybe some of those replies by young women are merely a reflection of their own personal histories and biases. Perhaps those young women grew up in a dual income household and would have preferred having mom home instead of being a latchkey kid (hope I used the right terminology). And perhaps they heard stories from their mother or grandmother about how things used to be or they've seen how much mom struggled in the workforce especially if she was a single mom.
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Post by tycho657 on May 28, 2015 9:45:18 GMT -5
Great discussion! I think Kate is ready to be a Mother soon. One of the reason she gave Castle a chance to get into her heart was when she saw what a great Dad he was. She learned over the years how he was a stay at home Dad for Alexis and that made her love him even more. She will want to be with their child when she can but I agree that she would go crazy just hanging around the loft all day. Castle, being a writer can escape into his writing during the day. I can't see Castle wanting to give up being with Kate solving murders either but they could do this by talking more?
Since they did sign Espo and Ryan for season 8 I think we will be seeing the 12th again.
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Post by ProudTVJunkie on May 28, 2015 9:56:02 GMT -5
Maybe some of those replies by young women are merely a reflection of their own personal histories and biases. Perhaps those young women grew up in a dual income household and would have preferred having mom home instead of being a latchkey kid (hope I used the right terminology). And perhaps they heard stories from their mother or grandmother about how things used to be or they've seen how much mom struggled in the workforce especially if she was a single mom. True enough java. There is a big difference between working because you have to and working because you love your job. One is a grind, the other a joy. Beckett certainly appears to be a person who loves her job, or else I'm sure she'd be doing something else. |
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 19:35:07 GMT -5
My personal opinion is that the parents are the best ones to raise the children. Second, a family member to babysit, in the child's home, if one of the parents can't stay home. My conviction was so strong with that, that it really affected whom I chose to marry. I had always wanted to be a mom and a nurse. In that order. My husband wanted that also; he was raised with his parents hardly home, and did not want that kind of life for his children.
Of course, I realize my ideal is neither ideal or plausible for some families. I have a best friend, whom I've known since sixth grade, also went through nursing school together, and presently is practicing as a nurse practitioner. Master's level. She was the type that could never be a stay at home mom. She needed the diversion, and loves her four daughters immeasureably. Fortunately, her husband and the mom-in-laws helped her to remain employed. They didn't need her income. She chose to to work.
I think my favorite line from well-intending others, has been, "But you're wasting your nursing career; education (staying home)!"
Really? I think that's the most ridiculous thing to say to someone who chooses to stay home. There is nobody that can instill the values and ideals into your children that you feel are most important, than your family. Nursing, and any other profession, be damned. These are my kids. I had them to be with them every day, as much as possible. I treasure them, and they are too precious to me to have left in the hands of others. We lived with one car for six years to keep me home. I shopped second-hand for most things, and couponed like crazy. My point is, if you can do it, if you want it, do everything in your power to make it work.
If you need your profession to keep sane, by all means, do that. The bottom line is, do what is best for your children. And if time away, at your chosen profession makes you a better mom when you get home with them, who can argue with that.
But, let me tell you.... our oldest, age 22, graduated from college two weeks ago, our youngest, age 18, will be graduating from high school on June 7th. If I had not been home with them all these years, I would be full of regrets about now. Instead of tears from lamenting on all I had missed, I had tears of joy and pride and gratitude on all that they have accomplished, and are, because I know I invested the best I had in them. And I cried, and will cry again, from so much happiness, and no regrets.
This is my story, those are my thoughts. Everyone's ideals are as individual as each of us here. But I did life with my children my way; my husband's way. And, gee, nursing is still there. And will be there, when I am ready to take hold of those career horns once again.
Live life on your terms. Because it is short. I blinked, and I have two amazing young men. And yes, I'm going to brag. Both graduated/ing with above 3.5 GPA's. Children want, and need, their parents time, love, and attention. As much as it can be given.
*stepping down off soapbox*
As far as Kate, I think she will want she or Castle, or perhaps Alexis, Martha, Jim... to keep the baby when she & Castle are solving cases. Castle didn't want Alexis to have a nanny, I cannot imagine it will be any different for his & Kate's little miracles. If the show goes down this road. Which, I sort of doubt. But, I've been wrong many times. So, time will tell.
My four cents. For what it's worth.
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