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Post by castlelover66 on Nov 23, 2015 20:09:37 GMT -5
Just to clarify, being kind, generous, considerate, patient, and empathetic does not make a person a doormat although these characteristics are typical of such a person or at least from what I've seen. What makes Rick a doormat are the repeated times he doesn't directly address the issues with those he love and care about. Rick isn't shy and he has all the skills to clearly communicate but he chooses not to at times. I'm not saying he's wrong for doing so because at times the value of the friendshipship or the relationship is much more important than being right but I find it unhealthy when boundaries are invaded or pushed repeatedly and not addressed because it'll just keep being repeated. Meredith comes to mind. I guess that also says something about those who are walking on him. If I think about it, my husband will sometimes not directly address issues with me. He isn't a shy person, can communicate, but chooses not to because he doesn't want to say something that might hurt me (he'd never do that intentionally) and he doesn't want to have conflict. It's uncomfortable for him. He values the relationship over being right, but like with Castle, I have found it to be unhealthy. I don't try to intentionally walk over him and we are working on better communication, but I can totally see where Rick is coming from because I am married to someone who exhibits similar behavior. I would not classify my hubby as a doormat (he's former Navy, if that's any clue), and I would not call Castle that either. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2015 20:58:20 GMT -5
Just to clarify, being kind, generous, considerate, patient, and empathetic does not make a person a doormat although these characteristics are typical of such a person or at least from what I've seen. What makes Rick a doormat are the repeated times he doesn't directly address the issues with those he love and care about. Rick isn't shy and he has all the skills to clearly communicate but he chooses not to at times. I'm not saying he's wrong for doing so because at times the value of the friendshipship or the relationship is much more important than being right but I find it unhealthy when boundaries are invaded or pushed repeatedly and not addressed because it'll just keep being repeated. Meredith comes to mind. I guess that also says something about those who are walking on him. If I think about it, my husband will sometimes not directly address issues with me. He isn't a shy person, can communicate, but chooses not to because he doesn't want to say something that might hurt me (he'd never do that intentionally) and he doesn't want to have conflict. It's uncomfortable for him. He values the relationship over being right, but like with Castle, I have found it to be unhealthy. I don't try to intentionally walk over him and we are working on better communication, but I can totally see where Rick is coming from because I am married to someone who exhibits similar behavior. I would not classify my hubby as a doormat (he's former Navy, if that's any clue), and I would not call Castle that either. *raising hand* ..... Not that this thread should be a "Dear Abby" type of release... but.... on the same train with you, CL66. My husband rocks, but his communication is, well, let's say, minimal. At times, it's just because he's so easy-going, just about anything is okay with him. And, he too, avoids conflict at all costs! But the core of it that his mind is always so full. He manages a pharmacy, so he can never leave work at work. Also, because he is often so pre-occupied, his listening skills are not always turned up. I really have to do something akin to cupping his cheeks in my hands, telling him to look at me, and announcing, "Listen! This is important!" Otherwise, it's hit or miss to what he really hears when we speak. If I were insecure, meek and mild, I would've taken this as rejection and been gone a long time ago. At any rate...my point is.... with personalities such as this ==> easy to please, just wanting everyone happy, being quiet instead of being right, no energy for/not wanting conflict/peace keepers .... If they are not with the right person, they will get stomped on. And yes, be called a doormat. In the Castle-verse, Enter Meredith. Took advantage, BIG TIME! With no regard to Castle's feelings, wishes or needs. Disrespect. Selfish. She always took, never gave. With Gina.... Strong personality. She perhaps always had to be right, was somewhat bossy, wanted things a certain way = she was his book person, after all. She was a person in control of him on the professional end, and it carried over into their home life. On the flip side, Castle made Alexis his first priority. That's a tough one on many fronts. Second marriage, one with a small/young child... balancing careers.... An element of disrespect was there and each of them were to blame. Bad fit all around. Personally, I have to be very careful not to take on a bossy or "Wife wears the pants in the family" demeanor, because with my husband, it would be easy to do. And mine is a lot like Castle. What happens from being on the outside looking in, is that people can oftentimes mistake easy-going character, laid-back demeanor, kindness, gentleness, patience, generocity, etc. AS WEAKNESS. Not love. There is a BIG difference. You can have a very strong man in character with these personality traits, but does not show that strength of character or put his foot down until he is pushed. That would be my hubby, and Castle. The mistake some women make with these lovely men, is taking advantage, disrespecting, pushing too hard. The men will take so much, and then they will push back. And when they push back, the world is gonna know it. Oftentimes, you can hear the BOOM. I don't mean physical, I mean, relationally. I love these kind of men. But I have a good idea of how to treat them after living with one for 25 years. Love them, and respect them. I think Kate is trying the best she knows how, given the present circumstances, based on who Kate BEckett is, and what we know her to be. And I think Castle is giving her the space to figure this out. There is going to come a time, just like after "four years", he will let her know that her time is up. No, he is not a doormat. He is a respectable, kind, loving man who deserves respect, kindness, and love in return. |
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Post by sylvia4949 on Nov 25, 2015 11:50:41 GMT -5
Brava Java - well said.
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Post by sylvia4949 on Nov 25, 2015 11:56:00 GMT -5
Castle kat - you've described my husband completely especially the cupping the face! Brilliant. And having been together 39 years, he's definitely not a doormat but the most loving man imaginable.
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